Are you having a sinking feeling or nagging doubts about how your child is experiencing their life at school? Maybe you are noticing that they are often anxious about going to school or they seem to be struggling? Or progress seems to be slower than you feel your child is capable of?
It is still possible at this point in the year to make a change in school, although we would suggest not leaving it too much longer. But before you rush off to find a new setting, it is worth doing what you can to address the situation where you are.
Our first suggestion is to reflect on the issues that your child is experiencing and – to think about what the solutions might be from your and their point of view. If you end up with a long list of issues, consider what would be the top priorities. This is a very much a process that you can involve your child in. What are they finding difficult and what do they feel they need to help them? Ideally, you would then be able to work through this list with the teaching team, head of year, pastoral lead or SENDCo as appropriate.
However, if you are seeing issues and struggles and are not sure what the solutions are, this could be the time to seek external input. This is also a good option if you have raised these issues with the school and the steps it is taking aren’t working or it is not able to put in place the necessary support. Depending upon the issue, the external input may be different. If there are learning-related difficulties, for example, then an educational psychologist may be helpful.
It may be that you have already been working with the school to put in place the right support, understanding or accommodations for your child and yet there are still problems. Often parents report that there is a time when they sense that they have gone as far as they can in working with a school without damaging the relationship, which could create further difficulties. In this case, we recommend seeking input from a specialist advisory teacher to work with you and the school. This can be a way of preserving the relationship while also addressing the issues and finding solutions.
Where there are challenges that are not being supported appropriately at school, and anxiety and stress levels increase for children, this can lead to difficulties in attendance. This is a classic area where it can be especially helpful to bring in external support. The difficulties that learners may be experiencing might not be fully visible to schools, whereas attendance levels are. Parents often see the areas where learners are not being supported and the reasons for stress and yet feel the school is telling them to ‘just make sure their child gets into school’. Where these issues continue for some time and the causes of the anxiety and stress are not addressed sufficiently, this can lead to school phobia and further difficulties for the learner.
It is entirely possible to recover from school phobia and longstanding difficulties at school and, for learners, it can be empowering to have overcome the challenges with the right support.
Where this has been successful, we have seen schools be flexible around attendance, for example, allowing a learner to only attend lessons in a favourite subject at the start of their re-attending, putting in place safe spaces, flexibility to leave the class when overwhelmed, having a teacher who can act as a mentor or supporter and checking in with the learner more frequently, as well as addressing specific learning-related needs or difficulties and having amnesties on late homework. Of course, allowing the use of laptops, readers and scribes for exams, and showing flexibility about the number of subjects taken at GCSE, for instance, can also be helpful and reduce anxiety.
Sometimes, the discovery process and reflections involved can lead to a list of solutions that may not be possible to put in place at your child’s school, even with external support. If this happens, it is worth reviewing whether the kind of support you are looking for could be deemed reasonable adjustments that a mainstream setting could make. If so, it may be worth raising this with the school one last time.
However, if the school remains unwilling or unable to make changes and your child is still unhappy, we recommend looking at other options. It is also worth considering whether it would be best to put in place additional support in or alongside a new school setting (such as an educational mentor outside of school who can provide a more individualised approach) – or whether a more specialist setting might be needed.
Sometimes the process feels lonely and like progress is not being made. But even where suggested solutions have not succeeded, this is all useful information – and reflecting even on what has gone wrong can help show the way forward.
There is no need to go through this alone. If you feel you are struggling and would like some support or signposting to professionals who can help, do get in touch with our . We can show you what support is available in mainstream and specialist settings – and how to implement the solutions your child needs to thrive in their education.